Should I Call It Stress?

I don't know how else to describe this terrible feeling other than "stress". But it's worse than stress, kind of overwhelming. I love my daughter so much that going to work brings so much anxiety. I feel like I should be home with her but also feel a responsibility to be at work. I can't do both though.

I got a call from my boss yesterday asking if I was ok..  I didn't realize my stress was obvious! I try to hide it, especially at work. She said that I've been under-performing at work and not doing as good as she knows I can do. I know Charlotte is in good hands with her daddy but I still can't help but breakdown when I'm not with her. Please tell me I'm not the only one! Before I had her, I was planning on moving up and eventually be a store manager but the second I held her in my arms I felt like everything I thought was important was ridiculous now compared to my new responsibility.
 I know that part of that responsibility is helping provide for my family so we can buy diapers, medicine, teething toys, and clothes for her, and give her a roof over her head. I already know that. But I feel like teaching my daughter and watching her grow is more important than having money. Knowing that I am nurturing my daughter myself and not relying on a friend or paid sitter makes it worth just staying home.
But it's essential I work if we want to get Chris through school. The faster he gets done with school and gets settled into his career THEN I can stay home. But that isn't for a while longer. By then I'll have missed things like her first steps and first words. Is it selfish for me to want to stay home even though we need the money? Even though it is the ONLY way we can get Chris through school? Both are very important.
I have two choices; quit and stay home with my baby and make Chris work more or work full time and let Chris go to school full time.
I'm completely and utterly torn.
Help?!

Thanks, rant over.

Easter Sunday

Easter was definitely a lovely day. I have to work almost every Sunday,  but we were closed today sp I was able to go to church with my family. I absolutely love attending church with my dears. With church at 11, we were able to sleep in, eat some breakfast and then go to church. After. Church we had a lovely nap, then spent the evening at my in laws. We played a pretty heated game of Monopoly (no worries, it ended well) and had dinner.
This whole spring season always reminds me of the beauty that was created for us. I'm grateful for my family and our ability to get through this rough time together.

Life as We Know It

Man, I'm terrible with my blog. I used to be on top of it. But let's face with a husband, a baby, and a job, I'm swamped. The time I do have I spend with my little family. Plus we don't have internet anymore.
Anyway, for a MAJOR update...
We had our little girl on January 1st, (I'm not quite ready to share her birth story yet) and yes, we were a little upset about the awesome tax break that wasn't going to happen but we were just happy to finally have her in our arms.
We celebrated our 1st anniversary three days later. Chris had to work during the day, but we were able to walk around the Temple and talk about our favorite memories from that day. And having Charlotte with us made our Temple marriage feel so much more real, knowing that that decision we made to be married and sealed there for time and all eternity was one of the best decision of our lives.
Chris has been working a part time job and I went back to work at the end of February.  The HARDEST thing I've ever had to do was leave my baby at home. She was safe with her daddy but it was so difficult for me to not be there. But knowing she is at home with her daddy whenever I have to work makes it bearable.
Since having Charlotte we've moved to a smaller place. Just a little duplex down the street and a whole lot cheaper.
There is no doubt that we've been going through a difficult time but there is no doubt that we'll get through it. But who isn't poor right now? Haha
For now, I'm grateful for what we do have and for the family and friends that have helped. Even if they don't think they're helping, they are!
We celebrated Chris's birthday Saturday AND Sunday. Saturday morning he was and to go golfing with some of my brothers then my in laws took us out to lunch at this really yummy New York themed restaurant. Then Sunday, we spent the morning lounging around together eating banana pancakes, went to church (the right ward this time), we hung out with my in laws in the afternoon and that evening I baked a cake (recipe here) and spent the night hanging out with my family.
I love my little family and wouldn't trade it for anything.

Pregnancy Update: Week 16

So here is my first official Pregnancy Update!

The Bump:

Maternity Clothes:
I finally had to buy a few maternity pants because there is no way to button any of my pants.
I haven't had to get any new tops yet as I have been wearing some of  my husbands shirts and some of my older shirts that still fit.

Best Moment This Week
Well, I have been sick this entire week so there really hasn't been a best moment. But last week we were able to hear the little heartbeat again and again was reassured that Baby Taylor is growing right on track.
We also have made out appointment to find out if we are having a little Boy or little Girl!
Can't wait!

Movement:
I haven't felt any movement yet. Which I'm kind of super bummed because some women get to feel movement as early as 12 weeks. Every time I'm laying in bed I try to feel around for the baby but of course I feel nothing. But I am sure I will feel it in time!

Food Cravings:
I have definitely been having cravings almost since before I even knew I was pregnant!
First it was bread, pizza, Wendy's Frosty's, ICe Cream and Powerade.
Now, its dry cereal, Caprisun's, watermelon, In and Out Burgers, just the burgers, and Sprite

Food Aversions:
A lot of my aversions are foods that I craved in the beginning or loved before I was pregnant.
Like, pizza, cheese, milk, and chocolate.
Which I am super sad about but I'll get over it.

What I Miss:
There isn't much I miss right now maybe just my old clothes.
Oh, and eating anything and everything!!

Sleep:
I've been sleeping pretty well still, just this last week being sick has taken it's affect on my sleep.
My mom reminded me that I better appreciate my sleep while I still can,
once my little one grows bigger and starts moving around, I'd wish I had sleep.

What I'm Looking Forward Too:
I am looking forward to finding out the gender in a couple weeks.
Then being able to start shopping for the baby.

Symptoms:
Been a little nauseous but only if I don't eat or eat too much in one sitting.
Definitely been needing to go to the bathroom a lot more often.
But things have been pretty easy for me so far so I am counting my blessings
and hoping the rest of my pregnancy is just as easy. 

Dear Daddy

Dear Daddy

Today you get a big surprise,

I wish I could see it in your eyes,

When someone says you're gonna be,

An extra special person to me.

But just before the news you hear,

Why don't you open your favorite root beer,

Sit back, put your feet up, get comfortable and relax ,

You don't wanna have any heart attacks.

Now take a look at Annie's tummy,

Guess who's inside? yep, she's my Mummy,

I can wait no longer to spill the beans,

So now you know what all this means.

Towards the end of 2013,

I'll be entering your life and things will be great,

I'm not sure yet what my first word will be,

I suppose we'll all have to wait and see.

"Daddy" sounds good but in time that will come,

I'll try really hard with help from my Mom,

Let's start off with goo goo perhaps something else,

So long as you're proud of me Dad, within your own self.

I'm gonna love you and Mommy.....so very much,

And when you both give me that special touch,

That parents give children with a kiss and a hug,

Then put me to sleep in my Bunny Rug.

I can't tell for sure what sex I will be,

A boy or a girl - who cares, certainly not me,

So waiting for a child hasn't come fast,

Yipppeee, Mom and Dad have a family at last.

Happy Father's Day!!!!

Oh The Weather Outside

The weather today was SO gorgeous that my boss let me off work early to "enjoy the weather!" So I ran some errands and OF COURSE when I am driving home at like 6pm HAIL hits. And hits like crazy!! I thought I was going to die, or the windshield would crack, or I would skid out, or I would hit another car! 

Regardless, it was a gorgeous day.

(View from my backyard) 

I love being a wife. I love organizing my home and making the budgets, the menus, and assisting in dinner when I can. Thanks to my older sister I was able to plan out my menu for this week AND next week! Now, just to grocery shop.

Friday I am hoping to FINALLY get started on my garden. I haven't had much time so I am really looking forward to getting started. 

I love my husband.
The End :)

Mr. & Mrs.

Finally!! I think it's time for a post!

Chris and I have been married for 1 month now! Crazy how time has flown by so fast! We haven't even finished our thank you cards yet!! I am just grateful for the many blessings that have been given us in this short month we have been married.

So, a quick recap of January;
We were married on January 4th and it was the most perfect day! Beautiful Morning and nice cool evening. Perfect for a backyard reception.
Everything went smoothly thanks to my family, Chris's family, and the rest of the helpful wedding party.
After we left the reception, we drove to Scottsdale where we spent the night at the Fairmont Scottsdale Princess Resort. It was gorgeous! We ended up ordering pizza at like 1145 that night and ate ALL of it! Haha We slept until rudely awoken by House Keeping the next morning around 9.
We participated in the continental breakfast and left for Sedona that afternoon.
We returned from Sedona on Tuesday and spent the next 2 days at my In-Laws home until we were able to move into our house!
Went back to work Wednesday and the following Monday we started online school.
I am currently studying Writing and Chris is studying Linguistics.

There isn't much besides school and work that is going down. We still haven't received all of our Wedding pictures but are looking forward to it. We plan on planting a garden in our backyard and maybe some flowers out front!